


Maybe they'll leave you alone but not me

by vass



Category: Imperial Radch Series - Ann Leckie
Genre: Ancillary Sword spoilers, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-08 20:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3222893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vass/pseuds/vass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tisarwat matches wits with Seivarden. Which would not normally be at all difficult for her, but she's having a rough year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe they'll leave you alone but not me

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this months ago. I'm not sure I still agree with this characterisation for Tisarwat, but I'm trying to get better at just posting things, so. Takes place during an imaginary interlude at an unspecified point during Ancillary Sword but before chapter 18, during which interlude Tisarwat has briefly gone back aboard Mercy of Kalr. IDK why, she forgot her contact lens solution?
> 
> Additional warnings: suicidal thoughts, suicide plans, emetophobia trigger. In other words, Tisarwat's point of view.

It starts with a mildly condescending remark from Seivarden to Tisarwat on the subject of Basnaaid and first crushes.

Tisarwat, who is having a bad day, snaps "Oh, like you can talk. You've been following Sir around like a shadow since she found you."  
Seivarden, about to make a retort, suddenly tenses in place and says very quietly "Lieutenant, who told you that?"  
"What, that you've been following her around like a shadow..."  
"Since she found me," Seivarden says. "What do you know about when she found me?"  
"Wait," Tisarwat says. " _She didn't tell you?_ " And then claps her hand over her mouth and starts chanting, still audibly, "I hate being seventeen, I hate being seventeen, I hate it, I hate it."  
"You'll get over it," Seivarden says. And, "Tell me _what_?"

Tisarwat takes a slow breath and gathers herself together. "Lieutenant Seivarden, come have tea in my cabin. We have things to discuss." Seivarden shrugs and follows her there.

Bo Three makes tea for both of them, then leaves them to it, obviously sorry not to be permitted to eavesdrop. Tisarwat sips her tea and considers what to say next. There are various ways she could turn this to her advantage. The question is, where is her advantage now?

_She'd probably kill me if I asked her to,_ Tisarwat thinks. _If I said the right things. And then we'd both be happier._

"Did f- did Sir tell you something about me?" Seivarden says. And there, that's a very easy lever to hand.  
"You didn't think she would, did you?" Tisarwat says. "Because you trust her."  
Seivarden's shoulders begin to hunch down and forward. She clenches her jaw. "Yes, I trust her." Her voice is defiant.

"You trust her not to share your secrets. You trust that, apart from her, there's no one who knows what your life was like before now. Every humiliating detail."  
Deliberately, Tisarwat leans back. Makes sure her hand is relaxed on the tea bowl. She's done this before. It's so easy. She'd forgotten how easy, how good it felt.  
"But clearly someone else does know. And now you're wondering who else knows. What, exactly, they've been told. And when."

She can see the shock and hurt turning to anger. Seivarden is very easy to read. It's a liability. She stands up.

_Now she'll attack my age, my competence, then my mental stability. That's when I'll tell her who I am. Was. The guilt at misjudging Breq will push her far enough, and then..._

Seivarden is looking puzzled rather than angry. Puzzled and also rueful. "She didn't. But somebody did. Don't worry, I'll find out for myself. But you thought she told me something else. Something about you. What is it?"

Over the roaring in her ears, Tisarwat can barely hear Seivarden's voice or feel her hand on her back. "Hey, wait up. Deep breath, now another. They really didn't teach you that in training, did they? Come on, if you're going to be sick you don't want to do it in here." She helps her to the privy. There is barely room for one person there, let alone for one person crouching on the floor while another, stooping in the narrow doorway, rubs her back soothingly.

_It should have worked. Would have worked, if she had as little humility as I thought._

"There, that's better," Seivarden says, as Tisarwat starts to get her stomach under control after a few dry heaves. "They sure worked you over," she adds, and Tisarwat's stomach flips again. "No, don't -- I'm not asking, and nobody told me. I just know what I can see. Sorry. Here, splash some cold water on your face. And the back of your neck, that helps."  
 _You'd know,_ Tisarwat thinks spitefully, but doesn't say so aloud. If Seivarden isn't going to kill her, Tisarwat doesn't want her to stop being nice.

She still hasn't put it together, though. And maybe she won't. She's not the smartest, and if Breq didn't tell her, she's probably also told Ship not to...  
"The thing I don't understand," Seivarden says conversationally, "is why everyone here seems to think Ship isn't paying attention unless you say the right words."  
Tisarwat's stomach seems to have settled again, but the hair on the back of her neck is still on guard.

"If I say her name, right now, Ship will definitely pass it on," Seivarden adds, "but you're a fool if you think Ship wouldn't tell her anyway, if it's worth telling. Right, Ship?"  
The affirmative sign appears at once, apparently in Seivarden's vision as well as Tisarwat's own. It stays there for two and a half seconds and then vanishes again.

"A word of advice," Seivarden says. "You're too young and too queasy to be playing politics like this. Concentrate on your job. Or go get laid. Leave the intrigue for the grown-ups."

She pats Tisarwat on the shoulder and leaves. Tisarwat reflects that Seivarden, despite having no talent for intrigue herself, and still not knowing Tisarwat's secret, has at least managed to successfully condescend to her.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from 'Teenagers' by My Chemical Romance, yes.


End file.
